Like in most songs, when you lost someone you love, you think you just died. I'm feeling that twice as hard and twice as hell.
I can't hide anymore. I feel like total shit lately. I have to learn that the one i adore.. adores another. The sad part here is that he had to lie his way to get me thinking that its my fault. Fuck men and their egos.
Unfortunately for me, the one that really cares wants to move on. He does love me, he said he does, he doesn't wanna be friends because he cares and loves me. For him, its quite painful to see me shed tears for the other guy who doesn't give a damn and does not even have balls. He wants me to choose, it was for my benefit, but i choose to stay where i am, not because i want to see that ball-less guy everyday and hope he'll realize my worth but i choose to stay because i will not let my screwy love life get in the way of the career i now feel that is meant for me. I know it will hurt a hundred times to see him with another, happy with that other being instead of sharing those smiles with me. But life is about moving on when things go fucked up for you and that is what i'm thinking lately.
I am quite scared for my future, i don't want to loose the friendship i have with my ex. He's quite a great guy to me and my kid. I just so happened to be stupid enough to fall for someone's "damsel in distress" moves and shit, enough for me to fall dangerously in love with and in the end (no matter how he puts it) he still left me all by myself.
Last night was damn bullshit. We went talking about the latest shit and he realized he's through. He doesn't want the pain. I don't want it too. I don't wanna jump into another damn relationship and risk everything and be alone in the end again. For crying out loud, i wanna take some time to let things sink in so that when my heart does cry for the right guy, i know i'll be ready.
I hope he reads this.. and i hope he gets to understand my thoughts about this matter.
To HIM: You are such an ass.. and she's right, no matter how angelic you look there is this devil just waiting to be unleashed within you.
To my Dubi: We need time to realize. We'll talk, then we'll compromise.
To my friends: Thank you for the support. I'll get through this hell-hole
To myself: In time they'll realize how worth it you are. All they can do is look and hope it'll give them hell.
**I pray for better days and for more faith**
the feeling is death to me..
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hope it gives you hell.. bwahahahhah
waaa.. just love the song.. kinda gives me umm... empowerment. ahahaha.
Hmm.. change of topic PLEASE.
Me, Jiro and Justine.. my old time peeps back in eastwood are planning for some get together.. i miss my boys.. my weird weird non-alcoholic, gamer friends back in Concentrix. Waaaaa.. those were the times where i was quite uhhh.. thinner. hahahaa. Damn.. crossing fingers that its no pizza day.. been eating pizza for weeks now. I wanna puke 'em.
Hay.. i wanna say more. But i'd rather not. I do miss someone so horribly. I hate what is happening too. I have no one to say this things to.. that;s why i put it to writing. And i don't give a damn.
Just have a little thing to say.. "quit playing games with my heart.." BSB is back baby!
Why Lord why.. and why there is God..and why i feel like a loser.
tis the day of sorts.. kinda sleepy.. kinda weak at heart and mind.
Dubi has been trying his best to win me back.. i feel sorry kasi i can't give back. Hay.. its draining my brain.
My ex-crush, my ex and my friend are trying to impress too. Which i am so not in the mood to mind, life is already complicated enough for me.. and i'm going to make it worse? Hell no.
Aun.. life sucks recently.. too many problems, but i'm holdin' on to my faith to that guy up there named Jesus.. kasi i know naman na in this time of trouble e hindi nya ko pababayaan. Un nga lang e lagi kong nasasabi na "Why must the good die young?" hahaha.. i crack myself up.
I know someday my life will be happy with the right guy for me. I just hope that God gives me enough courage and strength to carry on. I do pray for better days.. everyday i pray for that.. and everyday i realize that God is actually making me stronger too. Like a friend said, God ain't gonna give you this challenge if you can't overcome it.. which is quite true. Kasi nga i'm still holding on to my faith.
** sigh **
Wish ko tlaga pumayat!!! ay nakooooo! nyahaha..
tis like i gave birth again..
Life without Dubi sucks. All problems started rising like shit now. Can't believe i did this mess on my own.
Let's start with me breaking up with him: i know he's one of the best but my happiness is not with him. How i miss him soo much.. he made me feel like the princess i was to him. But he did not appreciate the love i had for him the time i wanted him to see it. Now all i think is that its too late to show me you love me. Its just too late now.
With work: Ah the team building was fun.. before all those shinanigans happened. Yeah, that whole jacob and me at the sea was true.. but nothing sexually oriented happened. yep, there were kissing but no touchy-touchy shit! Was not proud of that but other people used that shit to ruin me. Of course, i don't know who is behind that shit but people are getting affected already. So shut the fuck up. I know i'm clean of this shit, just hope that they'll stop na. Its not funny anymore.
As for HIM: my life was ruined because of him.but he made me live life again. he made me happy again, he made me see that there is more to me than just plain old angela. Giving dubi up for my choice of happiness is crazy. I don't know him this much but what the hell, right? I know im kinda stupid when it comes to love. So damn this heart of mine. someone is not happy with what me and him have... and she's doing something and i mean anything to ruin me. Goodluck to her hope it does not kill her. Obvious naman e. Kahit di nya sabihing sya. Who in the damn world would do such a thing? Madonna? Britney? WTF, right? The only thing im hoping for is that i'll be happy, with him? i hope.. without him.. i hope to cope too.
As for me: I am given the hope of starting anew. I just hope that bitch'll stop. Matauhan na xa.. marami na xang natapakang tao at marami na xang nasira. Come on woman, if it did not work with you guys then stop na.. sheesh.
*sigh*
people do crazy things when they are inlove .. i tell you that!
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