the feeling is death to me..

Like in most songs, when you lost someone you love, you think you just died. I'm feeling that twice as hard and twice as hell.


I can't hide anymore. I feel like total shit lately. I have to learn that the one i adore.. adores another. The sad part here is that he had to lie his way to get me thinking that its my fault. Fuck men and their egos.
Unfortunately for me, the one that really cares wants to move on. He does love me, he said he does, he doesn't wanna be friends because he cares and loves me. For him, its quite painful to see me shed tears for the other guy who doesn't give a damn and does not even have balls. He wants me to choose, it was for my benefit, but i choose to stay where i am, not because i want to see that ball-less guy everyday and hope he'll realize my worth but i choose to stay because i will not let my screwy love life get in the way of the career i now feel that is meant for me. I know it will hurt a hundred times to see him with another, happy with that other being instead of sharing those smiles with me. But life is about moving on when things go fucked up for you and that is what i'm thinking lately.

I am quite scared for my future, i don't want to loose the friendship i have with my ex. He's quite a great guy to me and my kid. I just so happened to be stupid enough to fall for someone's "damsel in distress" moves and shit, enough for me to fall dangerously in love with and in the end (no matter how he puts it) he still left me all by myself.

Last night was damn bullshit. We went talking about the latest shit and he realized he's through. He doesn't want the pain. I don't want it too. I don't wanna jump into another damn relationship and risk everything and be alone in the end again. For crying out loud, i wanna take some time to let things sink in so that when my heart does cry for the right guy, i know i'll be ready.

I hope he reads this.. and i hope he gets to understand my thoughts about this matter.

To HIM: You are such an ass.. and she's right, no matter how angelic you look there is this devil just waiting to be unleashed within you.

To my Dubi: We need time to realize. We'll talk, then we'll compromise.

To my friends: Thank you for the support. I'll get through this hell-hole

To myself: In time they'll realize how worth it you are. All they can do is look and hope it'll give them hell.

                                           **I pray for better days and for more faith**