Until then!
# Our family picture, taken on our wedding day and Dylan's babtism
The New Leaf
Until then!
# Our family picture, taken on our wedding day and Dylan's babtism
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Little Things..
I have been a selfish little brat for way to long..
I've been through a lot of life changing shit lately and well.. ain't no doubt about it. I really am opening to ideas i said that i won't even go to. I've met wonderful friends last December and i bet they are for keeps. Losing my job last October sucked but i think it has a purpose. I want to study again and i'm actually happy about it.
Like a new chapter in my very open book, i look at life ever so differently now. It had some unexpected turns here and there and a lot of bruises and painful shitty things but God indeed works in mysterious ways.. no doubt about that.
I am not a faithful girl but i do believe someone is out there looking out for losers like me. Someday, i'll be the person i dreamed about before i got pregnant. I need to have a solid future with my own little family of crazy people. I need to love my parents and siblings no matter how irritated i get when they don't understand me. I want them to be proud of me and that is something.
What i am very pumped about is that i want a good future not just for my kid but for the three of us (or a possible four or five of us) but nonetheless i'm on the verge of finally accepting my fate. Just as long as i can have more tattoos and more of that rock and roll life we always dreamed together.
Peace.
Sad Christmas yet
"Christmas is about family"
What if the family you want is no longer there.. even for a day. Its fucked up. Today is the worst of all holidays i guess. I can't help but enjoy myself in the company of friends that i missed for quite some time. Is it wrong to enjoy other company without your hubby? I don't think so. Made me think if this is the one that i want for some time. I love my baby girl to bits but sometimes, i gotta have my own time. I can't be just stuck at home or be back before 12. I've been through a lot of shit and hanging out with friends is something i enjoy. I hope they'll realize that i'm still a person and that i need "me" time. Unfortunately for me, Dubi left me all alone on xmas eve.. mom still a bit angry. I miss real and happy xmas.. i think i'll never be able to have them. Im just looking forward to the future that will hopefully make the rest of my life happy. I love everyone, family and friends. I just hope i'll be happier.
Someday i will be, i know i will. For now? Friends will be there to make me happy when my personal life sucks like shit. Morgan will always be the sweetest little girl in my life.
Wish Granted
Love is sweeter the second time around.
Just when i thought that i will be a very sad person after Mr. 4068 left me, i guess i was wrong. After weeks and weeks of being with dubi and enjoying life's precious gifts with our little girl, i finally realized that being with him is something i could always want. He made me happier, calmer and i never thought i'll be more childish than i already was.^__^"
I guess after all the hardship and pain, i finally understand the true meaning of love. Regardless of how silly he makes me feel.
Updates!!
** got no job, imma total bum
** got new tatz (me love love)
**into manga (love hina)
** planning a new business
I guess in the end, life is short.. so i just have to look for ways to be happy when i already have it around me.
Im pretty much happier with what i have now. Yeah.
what happened to the happy angela?
" You miss him doncha?" my heart would scream out...
"The good times are over! There is no use going back every now and then.. he will never love you back!" my mind would constantly remind my stupid heart.
My mind and heart are mortal enemies.. they never sync.
Right now, dubi is still here for me, regardless of me being a total ass. I told him everything.. what i feel. I wanted to leave him so that i wont hurt him. But if i do that, my feelings for Mr.4068 will still linger on, i won't be able to move on. If i stay, i risk hurting him every time i think of him, every time i stare and in no mood for anything. Why am i this bad? I should have stayed away. I should have stopped when i had the chance.
I know that no one will love me the way i would love them back. I am incapable of being loved back greatly. This are the words i put in my head and hope to live it to the extent that i would die by myself.
Happiness has been robbed due to acts that i stupidly done and that were soon attached to lies that lead to heartbreak. Even the only person who holds the key to the truth backed away to save himself. Stupid asshole. I cry every now and then when i remember the good times i have. Its no use. No one really cares, no one even understands.
For now, i want my happiness back. I wanna lay back and smile while we both look at the same moon we get moody at.
I hope for better days.. please.. i need more of those kinds of days.
do you believe in happy ever after? i wish i do..
Do you believe in a thing called love? I am starting to doubt that.
I am unlucky when it comes to love. I find someone, he gets me pregnant and eventually turns to a total ass within 4 years. Then you are able to find a better one, opposite to you but respects and cares for you greatly but then eventually leaves you because they lack reasons to move on with the relationship. Is that even fair? Me getting hurt like hell? You love them they either turn sour or leave you.
Smile though your heart is aching, that is the song that is ringing in my head. Everyday i try to keep my head up and smile. At the end of the day, i ask myself.. is there really happiness in store for me in the future with the one i love 100% and adore? Am i just blind? Is he here already?
I can only hope and pray hard for that guy to sweep me off my feet.. pronto!
Just when you think its safe to go out..
My birthday sucked soooo much.. despite the sweet hug and kiss on the cheek by my friends... the freak managed to ruin my heart again.. by giving me a heads up. Crap.
To make matters worse, dubi called someone and ranted senseless and pointless crap. I needed to talk some sense to the both of them.. SHIT, RIGHT?
July 11 2010 is just wrong.. for humanity.
Why can't it be like, you have the love of your life with you, you earn soooo much money, you have everything you want, buy anything you want and soooo much more.
If not like that, i wish it could just be like when you are younger, they buy you toys, cake, eat chicken and spag or carbonara and pesto for the day and they treat you like a princess, no stress, no crying (just cranky), no bad vibes.. no pain!!
The only good thing on my day was my DVDs of True Blood, Glee, Cougar Town and Bones.. the rest was just shit. No one really personally cares. That really sucks. I hate my day.. its not really mine to begin with.
**kiss kiss.. bang bang**
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