bones, motorcycles and feelings

The pain in my bones these past week has been killing me. Taking Alaksan Fr to relieve my body pain (if i cannot take it). As i have been checking the net for answers and i do found out that it affects bone density. No wonder no one uses it as long as 5 years. I drink lots of milk to supply enough calcium to my bones. I also eat a lot of veggies and tofu now. *smiles*

As for Dubi, he bought a motorcycle, looks spent though, paid 15 thou for it, needs a few repairs. We are staying home because he needs to register the motorcycle and pay for it. Practice too. Since his only work day is only Sundays.

As for the feelings.. we fought again. Like always, it ended in tears and slaps in the face. But this time, his mom had to interfere. Dubi is quite a person. He is very unpredictable. He starts something and ends up being the "pissed" one. And the nerve of the guy to slap me. That is why mama told us to seperate for a while, just to make sure if he would really want me as a wife. And probably to think things over by our own. *pfft*
He is treating me like shit. I am not proud of that but that is the truth. It seems that other things are important to him than taking care of me and Morgan. It feels so bad to see that he can leave me in an instant, without even thinking. Why are men like that? I know they are not the "feelings" people but how can they stand hurting physically and emotionally a person that they say they love? He can't even dare talk to me in a serious way. He can't look at me in the eyes and tell me what he thinks. I don't even know if he is just there because he has to be not because he wants to. I am not even married yet and this is killing me already. I hate it when he beats me up, he thinks i forget when he says sorry. But it keeps filling up. Why do men do this anyway. I don't understand. Is it because of the "i-am-the-authority-here-bitch" or because "i-just-feel-like-it". I have never felt so ashamed of someone. I can't even tell myself if i still love him the way i used to. He has changed a lot since Morgan came. It is just sad that my love for him is indeed starting to fade little by little. I don't even know how to tell him that, because he doesn't give a damn to what i have to say.* crap*