Things i thought i knew...NOT!

A few hours ago, i was catching my breath because of crying to darn hard. He left as usual,what is new about that. But then again, what was new with me? I was still the same "pity-me" girl. I guess i was to sorry for myself, and i can't help myself to improve on the parts that i lack on. I should have not given dubi a hard time, i should have just moved my butt from my seat to get it over it. I should have just kept my mouth shut, i know he is not the most patient guy in the world.

I feel fat. Not because i feel like it, people tell me that too. I look at myself at the mirror, i see this fat spot on my neck. *sheesh*, BIG FAT AREA at the belly. My arms and shoulders are WAAAAAAAAAY bigger than before. I don't want to be crazy thin, i just want to be fit. I want people to see me healthy with flat tummy and normal looking neck , arms and shoulders. Not that i don't feel normal with how i look now, but i don't like the bone aching, head aching things in my body. I need to eat right and less, do exercise and keep a healthier relationship with everyone in life.

With the "eat less and right", that is a big problem. I should start telling myself not to eat when im emotional. It is soooo wrong. Maybe better choice of foods and eating less rice than usual may help a bit.

With the "do exercise", its hard. I am usualy too tired of doing it. Biking is my favorite form of exercise. It is accesible. Unlike my other fave form of exercise that is waaaaay hard to have, swimming, because you need a pool for that. But alas, as if fate was against me, the bike got broken in some way. *shoot*. Im not a fan of walking, since the weather is hot and there is no good view of walking. With the Hip Hop abs? Too shy to do work out with people here. ^__^"

Bout the relationship shit. I feel bad sometimes. I hate nagging, it is tiring. I feel like im mom. *sheesh* But can i help it? When your partner is much worse than you? That you feel like its your responsibility to do stuff for the better of others' lives? Welcome to my world. Dubi does have a good side too. He is helpful and very generous. He is nice and sweet and very loving. But everyone has a bad side. He has short patience, and WILL hit if VERY pissed. But he is understanding (if he wants to). The thing i have to do? Be more understanding, be more patient and treat him nicer when im pissed.

For Morgan's expense, i love taking care of her. So i need a good peaceful mind so that i won't get pissed when she gets too active. I want her to be like her dad, and a little of myself which includes the reading thing, the smarts thing, and the singing thing, the rest she can have her dad's. hehe

I need to start understanding and loving myself before i start understanding and loving others.
In the next few years, i might start to study again. And hopefully start working and earning money for the welfare of my own little family.