Now it feels like there is noo air.. (0.0)

When people say challenges can make you strong.. they don't know how shitty it feels to be in one of those crappy situations.

My freakin' life..sucks. Why can't my life be less miserable? I am a loser in all freakin' aspects and i feel like no one understands anything. To make matters worse.. people talk shit about you and they ruin your work, your love life and your entire perspective in life. Fuck, right? I know.

Take it from someone that life started shitty. I don't wanna go too deep but yeah.. being me is a good thing and a bad thing. So yeah.. went up until the time when i started fallin' inlove. Love oh how i love to hate it. I am a constant victim. When i gave birth.. all other shit started to arise..seriously? Yes.

Now, i fell inlove with someone else, i should have just stayed with the man that got me pregnant. Maybe i was just fed up with all the things that happened. So where did i go from there? This person i fell inlove with happened to stop loving me too.. i don't really now if he even loved me. All i know is he once cared so much for me. Whenever a particular memory passes my head, i can't help but cry.. all those good times are just too lovely to forget.. to be buried.. to be ignored. I wanted to make more of them.. but like he said.. eventually it will happen. I am too vulnerable daw.. and that hurts like hell. It came from him... and it felt like he is pushing me away from him. Fuck, right? SOOOOO MUCH.

Work-- why is this having a crucial effect on work? Its because of that shitty rumor.. that happens to ruin my love life too. Fucking people just won't stop until you are dry and useless. Cut me some slack and let me be. You are cutting out the chance for me to be happy. One day all this shit you are doing will come back to you and i hope you'll look back to what you did to me.. someone who considered you as a friend.

Love--- FUCK..no more. In all aspects its so ruined. I feel that i don't deserve anyone anymore. No one does. I am no worth of any love. I did my freakin best to have and hold someone dearly. I was true.. never lied, gave up my all, my pride, my heart and now i sit here alone.

** NO FREAKIN' AIR WHEN YOU AIN'T THERE!!!**

I now sit here in front of this laptop.. tip-tapping, wiping my tears while i do this blog, listening to music that puts me in the mood to write, sleep deprived (a 9pm-7am shift).. Nokia phone won't work again.. Damn it, do i need more bad luck? Why won't i just be killed by a 10 wheeler truck or so in order for this to be all over? Dubi ran away.. he's somewhere unknown at the moment.. i don 't wanna care, even if i want to.. i don't want to add more shit in my brain. I love the guy.. but if i add him to my problems i'm just like hitting myself with a bat. If he's mine.. he'll come back. If not.. then i absolutely suck. For my dear.. a friend.. he wants to be selfish.. i have mixed feeling about us being friends. I don't know why. I hate that confusion in my head.

**help me..... i am slowly dying... my heart is slowly fading..."**